


Eternal Sunshine

by LectorEl



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen, if you could get rid of every memory that caused you pain, the delicate issue of mental health, would you do it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-19
Updated: 2012-04-19
Packaged: 2017-11-23 04:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LectorEl/pseuds/LectorEl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Me-ya-ri's curing trauma plotbunny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eternal Sunshine

The office was warm, and inviting. Not in the sense most people would have meant it. It was welcoming the way Tim would describe it. Multiple exits, chairs with their backs to the wall, a desk that didn’t hide the doctor’s body, several easy lines of escape.

The doctor saw the look on Tim’s face and shrugged sheepishly. “I am thought of as a complete kook in public perception. I might as well leverage that in service to my patients.”

“That’s…” _Kind_ , Tim’s mind filled in. He’d used that word several times today. It often was the only appropriate word. He kept having to use those words. Kind. Sincere. Safe.

It was last one that worried him. Tim felt safe around the doctor. He hadn’t felt safe in a long time. Around anyone. It made no sense that this man would be the exception. Even if he did treat Tim like he was important enough to care about.

“Ridiculous?” The doctor suggested, self-deprecating smile on his face.

Tim shrugged. “Something like that,” he said that he sat down across from the desk.

“Do you want to start now, or would you prefer I explained a bit more?”

“A little more explanation would be nice,” Tim said. He squeezed his hands together in his lap.

The doctor nodded. “What I do is described as ‘erasing’ traumatic memories. It’s not quite that simple. Trauma is very complex phenomena, involving the conscious mind, the subconscious, hormone levels, and the nervous system. You with me so far?”

“I believe so,” Tim said. “Continue.”

The doctor smiled at Tim, a quick, darting thing. “Alright. What I do takes place on two levels. On one hand, I help the mind adjusts memories, so they’re easier to live with. On the other, I manipulate receptors and production levels of various hormones such as dopamine, serotonin, cortisone, adrenaline, and endorphins, etcetera, in order to reverse the physical effects trauma has on the brain.”

“I think I understand,” Tim said. He paused, and stared at his hands. “I am…severely depressed, for various reasons. I have been suicidal at times. My relationship with my family is- not the best right now. I don’t. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”

“Thank you for trusting me with that, Tim,” the doctor said. “I can help, if you let me.”

“Yes.” The words were out of his mouth before Tim even think about. “Please.”

***

Tim blinked, vision oddly blurred, then wiped his eyes. His hand came away wet.

 _Tears?_ Tim frowned. “Was I…crying?”

“A little,” the doctor said.

“Oh.” Tim bit his lip. “Why?”

“Just a side effect. How are you feeling?”

Tim sat up carefully. How was he feeling? A little light headed, almost raw, like he’d scrubbed his skin down in the shower. Wrung out.

“Good, I think.” Tim turned his head towards the windows. “ _Oh_. Oh!”

“What is it?” the doctor asked, offering Tim his hand and stood.

“There’s a bird out there. A sparrow, I think?” Tim walked up to the glass. “It’s brown, mostly. It’s just tiny, but it’s there, and it’s alive, and I can’t remember, the last time…” He pressed his hands up against the glass. His voice shook. “I can’t remember the last time I looked.”

“Can I…?” he gestured vaguely at the garden

The doctor tilted his head toward the door. “Feel free.”

Tim smiled at him automatically, and slipped outside. He tilted his face up into the sunlight. God, when was the last time he’d done this? When was the last time he’d felt happy? Tim couldn’t remember.

His phone rang. Tim fished it out. Dick. He smiled again, helplessly. Another thing he’d lost, another thing he was getting back.

“Hi, Dick,” Tim said, punching the answer button. He leaned up against the building wall, watching the sparrow dart between bushes. There was another one up in the tree, in a nest made of twigs and shredded newspaper. There might even be eggs in it. New life.

A moment of silence. “Hey, little brother,” Dick said cautiously. “You sound…different. How’d it go?”

“Well.” Tim laughed lightly. “Very well. He’s not actually a fraud. Bruce is going to need to come up with a new theory.”

There was a heavy thud at the end of the line. “Dick? You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Dick let out a shaky breath. “What about you?”

“I’m okay. I really am.” Tim smiled, turning his face up into the wind a little more. “I strongly suspect I’ve lost about half of my memories from thirteen on, but I’m okay with that.”

“That’s…a little worrying.” Tim could hear Dick worrying at his nails.

Tim grinned. The urge to smile was so strong. So much more than it had been. “I still remember enough to do my job at WE, which really, is the only crucial thing. You can remind me of the rest, right?”

Silence. “Dick?” Tim shoved off the wall, crossing over towards the center of the garden. Maybe the call had dropped? He was about to redial when Dick finally responded.

“…Sorry, little brother. I had to go do- something.” Dick sounded awful, suddenly. Like he’d been crying.

“Not a problem. Can I come over sometime soon?” Tim stepped out onto the patio, pacing absently. The garden really was lovely.

“Sure,” Dick coughed, voice strangled. “Some time tonight?”

Tim nodded to himself. “That works. I’ll stop by before you patrol, alright? Love you.”

“…I love you too, Tim.” Dick said, voice still strange. “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” Tim echoed, and hung up. What a strange conversation. He was _missing_ something. With a shrug, Tim dismissed the subject. He was sure Dick would tell him later if it was important.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for Angst War III, over on tumblr. The line about the bird was inspired by a simlar moment in one of Vathara's Airwolf/Stargate crossovers


End file.
